An ah-ha moment...

I had an ah-ha moment this morning. I have been struggling with not feeling good these past few weeks, fighting the cold I caught, stress from school and stress from my mom’s surgery. Needless to say I have been struggling against that cloud that can hang around a person. As I have gotten older I have found that it comes more and more in the winter. Well with everything that happened in the last year I proactively decided to request my happy pills be upped. I can so tell the difference. But let me get back to my moment. I was sitting at the light to turn on to the freeway. The sky was in front of me. It was enormous and it was starting to turn from gray to blue. Lately, I have been really thinking on how I want project a more positive person. This negativity and depressing moods have been depressing me even more. I miss those moments where I take pleasure in life and crack myself up. Ok, back again to my moment. As I was watching the sky I realized it’s a conscious decision to be in a good mood. Here I was sitting in my cloud and it should just be as easy to push it away and look at life with a smile. Is it hard? Hell yes! Those clouds can suffocate you some days. Why did I have this moment looking at the sky? Well it has been so gray outside lately and I felt so good on our one sunny day last week. It just struck me that you can make your own sun in your life. I was just zoning out and was stuck by the beauty of the sky and it made me want to throw out that cloud that was filling my mind and be happy.. Since that moment I have been giggling all morning and it fills so good. I love that part about me.

this is a test for homework.

Cough!

It's time for you to say goodbye!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Another week.

Hello Again......
Well it's Sunday night. The weekend has gone too fast. I don't have enough time. I struggled with a cold all week. I feel like I the 4 days i ended up working were too long. I have 5 to face again. I don't want to go. I want to snuggle up in bed and sleep. so what am i doing up at 11:30? Helping out mom.
I was all ready to go to bed at 10:30 when i thought I should check on her one more time. Big mistake. lol.. she played the guilt card again by standing in the kitchen with the washer open. Now she is not suppose to do it and she wants the kitchen clean for my sister for when she comes in the morning. Yea.. like i get that same respect. I better quit now before i say something that doesn't need to be said. It's just my bursts of energy. As soon as it gets out - the thought flutters away too but other people take some things so literal.
I am avoiding homework. I hate that feeling.. But all i can think of is the term is almost over but i still have all this stuff to do. So tired..
Well the "community talk" is over on the radio so I am going to crash.
Sorry for such an uninteresting post.
I promise more detail soon.
Dottie

Following the blue car!

I was driving to work today and I got behind a blue car. You know how that happens. You are curious and you look to see who is driving. When I looked this morning, I caught my breath. It was Jim. Now I know that it’s not feasible, he has passed away but it brought back so many memories of following him. I wasn’t feeling well either this morning and the nostalgia just poured over me. It looked just like him. Tears welled up in my eyes. I kept thinking… maybe it was all a joke and he was really living somewhere in the city but I know that’s not true as I said good bye to him at the Funeral Home. For those of you that don’t know. Jim was my soul mate and he died last June. It was devastating. We had plans to get married. I stayed at his house almost every weekend and we talked every morning on our way to work. I was so comfortable with him. He was home. I knew instantly, after getting over the fact he reminded me of my old boss – who was a lady. We had plenty of laughs over that on our first weekend. At one time when I would write about him, tears would stream down my face. I am doing better as now I just miss him. He has been gone longer than I knew him but he has forever changed me.

Do you believe in soul mates? Jim and I actually had a conversation about it before he died. He believed that he only had one and I believe that you can have many but that doesn’t mean you are destined to be with all of them. The irony of our conversation, I repeat over and over in my head. Maybe I knew that I would have to find someone else. Maybe he knew he wasn’t long on this earth. He helped me grow up. I was my base that I could come home to and then go out in the world and do what I needed to do. He calmed me. Love like that is fleeting.

I have met someone new. When we first met I kept saying that it’s wonderful but it’s just different. I didn’t know how to explain and it took a while to readjust my outlook. I think my new guy understands. He is so wonderful about my grieving over Jim. It doesn’t come as often but I still hits me every once in a while. My new man has children. When I met Jim I had accepted that children would probably not be part of my future. If they appeared they would have been accepted with open arms but Jim and I had a plan that was just the two of us. Now there might be a chance that kids will be part of my life. It was such a drastic change of thinking of how my life was going to turn out. Like I said before, my new relationship is wonderful and I am very happy it’s just a different kind of love. Not better, not worse, just different.

Back to work.. Adios!

An oopseeeeeeeeeee

oh.. i lost the whole post. I need to figure this thing out. I am too tired. I will update tomorrow. I leave you this photo of my favorite food (minus the tomatoes of course.) from one of my favorite places here in Portland.

A day to remember!

I just love watching the political process of the United States. I am always intrigued by it. I don't care if you are Republican, Democratic or any other party. Today was tradition. Tradition that started with the first George to the last one. Unfortunately I do not work with people who see the significance or the enjoyment of to days celebration. As I could not stay home I listened to NPR on my Walkman and went to the break room to watch his oath while everyone else on the team sat at their desk and did work. It was wonderful to see such unity in the people there and to hear it but then I am a sucker for the pageantry. It made me think of other inaugurations. I remember back in 92 when Clinton came into office. Or was it 91? Well back to the story. This is when I carpooled with my Aunt Tede. I remember clearly sitting on the freeway with her portable TV. That was an adventure back then. The music gets me going and seeing the elder statesman like Kennedy, Carter and the 41'st Bush.

Then after work I went to my e marketing class. Even though my focus is IS i am so enjoying this class. It ties in so many of the business concepts I am studying. I am in a class with a majority of Marketing majors who look at it differently then I. I want to know about the web design, the how to behind the sites... while their questions are concerning the why of why people do what they do, what they do, what can we do to get them to do what we went. The professor is a has world experience and brings an element of humor and knowledge and is in with the times. Technology has so much to offer even to the old disciplines and can turn old knowledge on it's ear.

Well off to read my Book. I love the series 'Daughters of Blessing'. Let's see how long I make it before I fall asleep.

Dottie.

Ah.. before I forget please forgive the grammar and spelling mistakes. They are not my strong suite and sometimes the brain is traveling faster then the fingers and i don't see the misspelled word or the dropped letters. Most of the time i just want to get out the words before I forget.

Sunday morning.

Hello again,

Well it's Sunday morning and I am sitting here folding laundry. There is something soothing about it. If i lived in a house I would have a clothes line. I love the smell of the fresh air and the wind. Talking about the wind - it was howling last night and banging things all around.

Today I am off to work with a group from school on our systems analysis. I expect it to take 4 hours. I greatly admire the group I am with. I originally started with friends in another group but 4 out of 5 of us dropped out of the class because it was too hard. One I would never do that - just because it was too hard ,I am made of more than that.. I mean just because you are deciding that this time is difficult there is no guarantee that the next time won't be even more. I have been lucky in my schooling that I haven't had too hard of professors. The timing has been good. Back to the group. One gentleman em pressed me last week in another class we share. He spoke very eloquently and had good things to input into the discussion. I have had a class with him before and he was very quiet as he is from Russia. I am glad I was able to see his wisdom. The other 3 I don't know yet but it should be interesting today.

After the school work I get to go out with my boyfriend. Isn't that a nice word. lol. We have been dating since the fall. He is a single father with five children who works nights. . I am a single girl with no children working and going to school full time. We don't get much time together with or without children. I greatly admire him as he has been faced with an interesting situation and has stood with pride and responsibility. It was fate that we meet and that we have connected so well. He definitely is a supportive man and has made me a better women. But he could stop beating me a chess.

Well the laundry needs to be put away and I have to get ready to go out on this cold, sunny blistery day.
Till next time.

Dottie.

Welcome to my first post in the blog world. It's a Saturday night and I was reading blogs and was inspired to join in what is such a fascinating world. So join me in this exploration of blogging on The Agnes Dorothy..

What do I want to do with this blog? I don't have that vision quite done yet but stick around and it will come together as we go day by day.

Right now my world is so busy. I work 40 hours a week an then am in my second to last term in reaching my goal of receiving a bachelor's degree. I am taking 12 hours this term and am praying that it is over quickly. I love my classes but I think I took 3 hard ones together. Where my head was at the time of registration I should have signed up for that movie class. I do not know but what else is there to do on winter nights so I decided that the classroom was the place to be. The only regretful thought I have of this journey is that it doesn't give me time to play with my fabric or anything else.

One of my passions is quilting. I learned when I was 16 from my aunt who has a wonderful touch with sewing and needlepoint. My grandmother was a seamstress and I can remember as a little girl she tried to teach me to sew. She would get so frustrated with me that I could not sew a straight line she quit teaching me. Let me tell you -- I still don't but i don't let it stop me. Above is one of my little quilts that hangs in work cube. I didn't physically quilt for many years but about 4 years ago I picked up sewing with renewed energy. I will leave the rest for many more posts.

Another passion of my mine is reading. I love to read. I find it so exciting to find new authors and new stories. One of my favorite genres is writers like Louise Alcott, L.M. Montgomery, Betsy and Tacy. I love to read stories of the time period of 1900 and especially when they were written in the first half of the 1900's. There is something so quaint about the style and the descriptions of times gone by. I will admit it I am a romantic.

That is a little bit about me. I hope to be able to continue to have many more words to write and until next time.

Dottie

Oh - let me tell you about my blog name. It is the name of my two grandmothers. The sewer and my namesake. Two wonderful women in my life. I added the french word for flower because I love flowers and thought it sounded like a nice finish to the old-fashioned names.