Saturday, March 7, 2009

The story....

Hi,
I stumbled on a blog on where a woman lost her husband. She was contacted by the hospital at 1:30 in the afternoon after he collapsed at the Gym at 8:30. It hit a cord and I left her a comment on how I so related to her. Grieving is an interesting thing. I had to put it on hold last year while I handled a family reunion.

Then life quieted down in Aug and I feel apart watching the movie “The Bucket List”. I don’t know why but I grieved more that night then I had the previous two months. The following week was really hard and I made some decisions that helped me. I had many friends tell my I should watch the movie “PS… I Love You” as i could probably identify with it. In it the characters husband dies. I didn’t like it at all. One it was nothing like my experience and they fought all the time.

Today I found the blog. I am crying again. Why I don’t know. It’s been a day I have slept all day. The bed has been so comfy. I will probably be up all night working on the homework but even now my head is so heavy I want to go to bed again.

Here is the post I wrote to the women:

Last June i lost my boyfriend in almost the same way. He had a headache for two weeks. We thought it was a sinus headache that wouldn't go away as we had been sick a lot that spring. In looking back i know see what it really was. We talked like usual on our way to work. I said good bye when i got to the parking lot of my work. He was picking up breakfast at McDonald's and we had just laughed about his lack of money.
At 9:30 i checked my phone and had a text message that he went to the doctors at 8:30. I tried calling him thinking it would be over. He didn't answer. I tried his home, his phone and work over the next few hours. I never could get a hold of him. I even wrote one of his coworkers and i never heard back. I went to lunch at 12:30 with a friend. When I got back I had a voice-mail on my work phone. It started out as a woman saying she was a friend of my boyfriend and could I call her. I knew then he was gone. I was in shock. I called her back and she confirmed it. He had collapsed at the Drs office. The tried for 20 minutes to relieve him but it didn’t help. The office didn’t know who to contact and he ended up at the medical examiners office. The Doctor's office had to call his company in Seattle who then called his coworkers in Portland. Since he was not married the ME was required to notify his mother. I was lucky his friend in the Seattle office called me directly other wise I don’t know who I would have found out.

He and I had lonely been dating 7 months but we knew we were soul mates and we were going to be married.
I loved him very much and I was included in the plans of his funeral but I made no decisions. The service they held was defiantly more for them then for the celebration of his life. They were not religious. I am catholic and it brought sorrow to my heart that they had to really grasp to find a religious figure to talk about him. In fact I don’t think my boyfriend knew him at all and the gentleman that spoke did not know my boyfriend.


That is what I wrote. I ended it with I will pray for you.
A little bit more that I want to write out but didn’t feel was needed on the comment.

In the end his mother and sister did not want my help after the first day and I didn’t even help clean out his apartment. In some ways I am glad for that and in other ways I am hurt by it. It’s hard being the girlfriend and not the wife. But I knew in my heart what happened didn’t matter that the time with Jim was what was special. He has now been gone longer then I knew him but the hurt is still there. I knew and continue to know that he was a very special man and that I was very privileged to be loved by him. I will always love him and he will always be part of my heart. He changed me for the better and I am reminded of that with a smile many times a week.


I will love again, and I think I have found someone that I will marry but Jim will always be special. I am so glad my new man understands that relationship. I love you Jim.

Dottie

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