Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Friday, December 25, 2009
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Monday, December 21, 2009
Got a call today.. have another temp job starting on Christmas Eve. I am surprised of the start date but it will be nice to have the work.
Have been reading up a storm so updated my book list. Well it's almost midnight. Gonna go read. Dottie.
Saturday, December 19, 2009
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Monday, December 14, 2009
Sunday, December 13, 2009
My temp job ended on Friday night. It ended over a month early. I knew in my mind the end was coming for the temp job but when it actually happened I am surprised on my response. I didn't even react this emotionally in June when I got laid off from my real job. Part of it was probably a delayed response to that one. I still have friends who are still temping in the job and all I could was think of what I did wrong... but in my heart I know it was done for business reasons and low call volume. Sat I just felt empty. I remember laying on my bed and just staring at my dresser just not thinking of anything. Life seemed so empty. I just laid there and then vegged all evening. As I said before I felt lost and this just hit me hard. I couldn't sleep very well last night either. I kept waking up. Today I though I was better but today it came out as sadness.
I talked to my mom about my situation and she gave me some advice. This advice made me think.. what do I want? I still don't know.. I don't even know if I want to go after what we talked about because that might be settling and I want to choose what I do for a job this time (or choose the best I can). It was good advice but I can't decide if it's good for me.
I came into my room and I just started to cry. I called my boyfriend and he just listened. We eventually were able to just talk and I was laughing..a good thing.. and then I found myself crying again. During it.. I came to realize it was just a reaction in releasing emotions. I needed to let the emptiness pour out. When I got done talking with him I felt lighter. For all the doubts when we are apart .. the frustrations that happen on my end to the status of it. ... his concern and scared to hurt the kids on his end.... he can heal me. He supports and cares. I love that about him. I should tell him that more often. Just hearing his voice can soothe that. I never knew that about boyfriends until the last two. They have been awesome men who have given me so much. Real relationships. Real partnerships. I am been very privileged to have both men care about me so much.
On the previous post you see my favorites that I have found on flickr. This is new for me. I have found so much inspiration from the groups and all the photos. I never knew that it had so many things i would like. It has also been eye opening to figure out how to post it to this blog. Lots of hoops to go through and definitly a learning curve..
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
I am still a bit lost in my life. I don't know where i am suppose to be. I am so tired. I am tired of having to deal with problems. I am just tired. I don't know how to define myself anymore. I wish I had the gumption to stand up for what I want and not feel guilty or worry about hurting someone feelings. For twenty years I have had fake nails. Last week I removed them one day and part of me what's to keep them off. Help redefine me but then I feel guilty and didn't want to hurt my nail girl and made an appointment when she called. I don't want them really. I guess I feel envious of other peoples lives sometimes and wish my life was more like them. Well I guess not really but i just feel so lost that I just don't know what direction to go. It is so ironic because in some areas I am so happy but then in other areas I feel like I have stopped caring. I don't follow through. I just want to stop being tired. I hate the fact that as I get older, time is moving faster and faster. I have all these dreams of how i want things to be but a lot of the time I don't have the knowledge or the know how to get them. I hold myself back as I feel people have expectations for me.
Well that is enough about me tonight. Off to read my book in my cozy bed.
- The Lakeshore Chronicles by Susan Wiggs. I am currently reading the 3rd one of the series. I love the characters. 12/21 have read the 4th now
- Beth Pittillo books
- A quilters Holiday by Jennifer Chiaverly I can never spell her last name. But I know what it is when i look it up Quilters Apprentice and it gives me it. have put on reserve
- The Beach Street Knitting Society and Yarn Club - Gil McNeil have put on reserve
- Unravelled - Robyn Hardin.
- Barbra Bretton
- Monica Ferris
- A tread of truth - Marie Boswick
- Summer on Blossom Street.. Debbie Macomber. - reserved at the library. 12/21 reading as we speak..
- Blue Sky Hill Series, Lisa Wingate
- The Knitting Circle Ann Hood
- A Drunkards Path Clare O'Donuhue
- The rest of the Covington Series Joan Medicott
- Happiness Keys Emile Richards have put on reserve
- Beverly Nichols
- Ann Ripley - mysteries
- Janis Harrison.. the ones i haven't already read
- Quakertown -Lee Martin
- Loving Frank -Nancy Horan
- Scoop - Fern Michaels
- Cross Creek the book and movie
- The Lumby Series Gail Fraser
- Virgin River Series Robyn Carr
- Lake Emily Series -Tracie De Pree
- Knit the Season- Kate Jacobs have put on reserve
- The Prairie girls guide to life- Jennifer Worick
- Mary Jane Butters (i can't read my writing but the Mary Jane from the farm) 1 put on reserve, MaryJane's ideabook, cookbook, lifebook : for the farmgirl in all of us
- Blogging with Bliss -T. Frey have put on reserve
- Aimmee Ray
- Jenny Hart
- The Bridal Quartet Nora Roberts series
Boy.. that is quite a list. It's not in any order either.. Just books i found in my wanderings one day. I copied it directly from my hard copy journal. some of the authors names might not be spelled right. I couldn't read my handwriting. But with a little research I will find them. lol. Quite a list isn't it. You know how you find these list. You find a book on Amazon.com and then look to see what other books people have looked at or bought and it introduces you to books you have never run across before or new books by authors you have loved. I love doing it this way. It has introduced me to some wonderful authors, movies, books and even bloggers.
I recently checked out a book by a writer based on the fact that i had loved one of her books before hand. I just couldn't get into this book. I liked the idea of the story but for some reason the book was boring to me. I made the decision to not finish it. I wrote down the name of the book as I might go back to it someday. It was a hard decision of if i should stop reading the book. At the time I had two other books i wanted to read so bad but i was forcing myself to finish the one I had in front of me. I was getting no satisfaction out of it - so I decided that it just wasn't the right time for the book. I am so glad i made that decision. It felt like so much was lifted off my shoulders. Its such a trivial thing but made my life so much more enjoyable.
I don't know how long it will take to get through this list. The is no timeline, or time limit. I just wrote down books I want to explore. I am sure there will be many more in between that will somehow come up. Some I may never get to but it's a place to start.
I have watched :
- Mrs. Palfrey at the Claremont. It was such a sweet performance it made me cry at the end. I love Rupert Friend and now I want to watch The Young Victoria. I didn't realize he was in Pride and Prejudice. I need to find that song by Rosemary Clooney. She did sing beautifully didn't she.
- Nick & Norah's infinite playlist. Yes it was about high school kids but i loved it. The music was even good even though and made parts of the movie. The extras were good to.
- Sliding Doors. I have seen this many times before but felt like re watching. Loved it just as always.
- Possession. I love this movie. I love all of the main actors. This time around I was very impressed again by the costumes. They were quite lovely. The costume designer is Jenny Beavan. What I found out is she has done costumes for many of the movies I love. Cranford, Sense and Sensibility. Check her out.
- Keeping Mum. I loved Patrick Swazye in this one. He looked so good and I loved everyone else to. It was ironic that my friend Jessica had just watched it to.
- Wondrous Oblivion This was a good movie.. Made me understand cricket a bit more.
I also just got from the library Happy-go-lucky. That was another recommendation.
Some of the movies they suggested that I have already seen ---alot of them recently on the telly
- Notting Hill
- Four Weddings and a Funeral
- Bridget Jones 1 and 2
- Last Chance Harvey
- Pride and Prejudice both the movie and the mini series.. Oh Mr. Darcy...
- Beatrix Potter
- North and South
- Remains of the Day
- Little Women
- Plus others but i got tired of writing them. lol
I have also put some other movies on hold that they have recommended or that I have found.
- Two lovers
- Sunshine Cleaning had on hold but didn't want to have it on my list as there are over 300 holds on it so i will reserve it another day....
- Liberty Heights
- Billy Elliott- have seen but want to see again
- On a Clear Day always have wanted to see this. I am glad they reminded me.
- Scenes of a Sexual Nature
Have run out of room on my hold list so add these....
- Brick Lane
- 84 Charing Cross Road
- Widow's Peak
- Brief Encounter
- Mrs Dalloway
- Truely,Madley, Deeply
- About a Boy
- Starter for 10
- Under the Greenwood Tree
- Jack and Sarah
- The boy in the stipped pajamas
I will need to go back to that blog post and see what other movies I want to see.* Well I went back and this post has become so much longer than I intended.
My friends David and Steven also gave me the Grey Gardens collection. The original documentary and the HBO movie by Drew Barrymore. I need to watch that this weekend.
There there are my standbys. I am on the 5th season of Avonlea. I just love this series. I love this time period. I also have the 7 Brides for 7 Brothers series. I found someone who had recorded it and i got it from them. It's quite grainy but that is ok. I just like watching it. It shows a young River Phoenix.
Ones I want to watch but not at the library yet.
- Run Fat Boy Run
- The Young Victoria
- Breaking & Entering
- Career Girls
- 'high hopes'
- This Years Love
- Imagine Me & You
- Martha meet Frank,Daniel and Lawrence
Anybody else have any recommendations?
Well till later.
Sunday, December 6, 2009
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
burgundy red felt at Fabric Depot today and also some more white. I knew at the time I had a huge stack of felt left but I didn’t have any of that shade of red. I am glad I did. They are making the cutest stocking. I found a pattern I liked and enlarged it just a tad and I am off and running. I did a couple of test runs with my other red and once with blue embroidery thread. It looks good but not what I wanted today. Oh, while at Fabric Depot today I also bought some magnetic embroidery thread in silver, gold, 2 shades of red and 2 shades of green. I was thinking of using that in a button stitch but the six strands are too hard to work with for such a large part so I am doing embroidery stitching on the white cuff. I am using black to go around it. I love it. I will add in a photo when I get them done and when it’s daylight.
As I sat there tonight looking at the first three... I couldn’t believe I had done it. I actually was able to see something in my head, get the supplies, make it and have it turn out just as good or better then I imagined. For some many years I could never get the idea out of head, my creations that I produced did not look like I wanted it to. No where near or even the quality of a good crafter. I t just amazes me that I finally can do it. YEA!!!!! I can’t tell you what a breakthrough this is for me. It has built up my confidence so much. I know that this kind of happened with my pin cushions but for that I followed a pattern. For this one I used a pattern for the shape but everything else was my idea.. Just wait for the new things I can and will try. Maybe I will reach my dream of somehow turning this into my job or a business...
Off to bed... Night Night!!!!!
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
Yesterday I did something that I haven't done in a long time. I read a whole book in a day.
I started it at noon yesterday and had it read by 8 pm. I guess I read it fast as it was 530 pages long but i really enjoyed it and it felt good to read. The phones rang a lot yesterday but i was in a comfy chair and i seemed to close out the world when I was reading. I have started the next one in the series but I haven't gotten so into it but it is good. Not sure what I will do today but probably sew on my table coth.