Wednesday, December 9, 2009

My day..

I had today off. In fact I was home alone all day. It was nice. I was going to work on a Christmas present but decided not to. I ended up watching 2 movies and Top Chef finale. All that time I worked on my needlepoint. I got a lot done on it. I have a delima. The pattern that is on the canvas is not straight. So I started on the right side top of the pillow and I am going by that. The 4 corners are 9 stitch blocks of green and white. I made sure all of the squares were 9's. When I did the first border I found that the color moved off of the x point and went up one hole. I decided to keep stitching a straight line even though the color changed. When I got to the green and white checks on the left side I started two lines down from where the "paint" was but it's lined up with the other side. I hope this is the right thing to do.

I am still a bit lost in my life. I don't know where i am suppose to be. I am so tired. I am tired of having to deal with problems. I am just tired. I don't know how to define myself anymore. I wish I had the gumption to stand up for what I want and not feel guilty or worry about hurting someone feelings. For twenty years I have had fake nails. Last week I removed them one day and part of me what's to keep them off. Help redefine me but then I feel guilty and didn't want to hurt my nail girl and made an appointment when she called. I don't want them really. I guess I feel envious of other peoples lives sometimes and wish my life was more like them. Well I guess not really but i just feel so lost that I just don't know what direction to go. It is so ironic because in some areas I am so happy but then in other areas I feel like I have stopped caring. I don't follow through. I just want to stop being tired. I hate the fact that as I get older, time is moving faster and faster. I have all these dreams of how i want things to be but a lot of the time I don't have the knowledge or the know how to get them. I hold myself back as I feel people have expectations for me.
Well that is enough about me tonight. Off to read my book in my cozy bed.

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